Joshua's Place

Secret Admirer Rant!
2/10/2003

I have a story that I would like to tell, along with a piece of advice about boy/girl relationships.

Last week, a girl I have been chatting with on instant messenger asked me to call a boy that she had a crush on. She asked me to tell him that she liked him. I thought it would be fun, so I decided to take her up on it. I also like to see people get together, and it’s not always easy to tell someone that you like them. There is a fear factor involved. Sadly, when I called, I found out that he only liked her as a friend. Even though it didn’t work out for them, I think that it took courage for her to get someone she know from the internet to tell him that she had a crush on him, and I applaud her. Most girls usually just wait for a guy they like to ask them on a date, and it usually takes a long time for that to happen, because most guys do not pick up on the hints that girls drop. I also think a lot of people are mismatched because of this. Guys usually miss the hints, so they end up with someone who does not like them very much, simply because they ask someone who just happens to want a date. I don’t think most people end up dating someone they really like. To reverse this trend, I think girls and guys should be more proactive. If you like someone, tell them. Don’t make them have to guess whether you like them.

One reason I have come to that conclusion, is the proliferation of all the secret admirer services on the internet. What happens is you get an e-mail, and I have gotten several myself, from a web site, telling you that you have a secret admirer. You then have to go to the site, and fill in e-mail addresses of people that you think might like you, or people you like. They in turn get a message asking them to do the same. If you enter the address of the person who sent you the message, it will tell you there is a match. They usually offer clues, to make it easier to guess. The clues are usually never helpful though, unless you have an extremely small list of possible candidates. I entered a few e-mails the first several times I got these messages, and then it got me to thinking. I want someone who is going to be honest and upfront with me. She should be able to tell me how she feels about me, not beat around the bush about her feelings. If you like a guy, tell him. Send him a regular e-mail, call him on the phone, or tell him in person. And if you are one of the gals that sent me one of those messages, e-mail me. But please don’t use those secret admirer web sites that claim to match people together. I highly doubt they have a high success rate. If you agree or disagree with this article, submit a comment.

Yours truly, Joshua Clinard @ 9:47 pm